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There’s nothing more damaging than being criticised by
members of your church, especially if it is unfounded. But unfortunately it comes with the
territory. One of my lecturers at Bible
College once said “There is a dragon in every church who will want to make
waves and devour people” I have found
this to be all too true. So what can we
in ministry do about it? There are some
things that I think we need to keep in mind.
Firstly, we are employed by the church, and I don’t
mean the church council, it is the people, the church, who have employed us to
do ministry in their church. So it is
quite acceptable that they keep watch over what we do and if need be, point out
where we may be incorrect in some area of our ministry. We also need to keep in mind that we are
part of the church body, not the lone ranger, our ministry needs to be in line
with where the church is heading, going
down the same road.
Some
time ago while I was the youth worker at a local church, I was running an
outreach program to non-church youth in the area. This ministry went on for just over three years, and then I
started getting some very strong criticism from the minister, the church council
and some others in the church. It came
to a head because I did not listen to the criticism, I thought I was right and
they were wrong and being pig headed.
Until they called a meeting and decided that I was no longer going in
the direction that they were, actually they had changed direction and I hadn’t
picked up on that. So ended my ministry
to non-church youth in that area.
Second we need to remember that the church is full of
people, and people are all different and have different ideas about how things
should be done. There is the oldies who
want to sing hymns and do things the way they have always done things. There are the middle row people who are open
to some change, but want to keep some of the old way. Then there are the young people who want to try anything that is
new, they want all the latest music, the band and do not like the old way of
doing things. When we keep these things
in mind, it helps us to recognise where people are coming from, which makes it
easier to understand their criticism.
Remember the only perfect church, is the church that has no people in
it, and don’t go there because then it would no longer be perfect.
For
many years my wife and I were looking for the perfect church, I was sure there
was one, but alas, we could not find one.
What we did find was churches full of sinful people who make mistakes,
just like all of us do. It took some
years for me to realise that my expectations had been set too high, and when we
set too high expectations there is further to fall. I had to learn about God’s Grace and about God’s love, and that
we need to do give grace and love to others.
“Above all, love
each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” 1 Pet 4:8
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it
does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is
not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always preservers.” 1 Cor 13:4-7
Thirdly we need to listen to the criticism with an
open mind, it may be warranted. The
only good minister, pastor or youth worker, is one who is open and teachable, ready
to learn from other people. Remember
Jesus’ disciples studied with him for three years full time, and then still
needed to be taught things, as did the early church, just read Paul’s letters. We all have things to learn, only once we
are there with Jesus will we be made complete and perfectly whole.
Some
time ago when I needed God to do something, he said not yet. I thought I had it
all worked out, how to get things done, but I needed to learn a lesson. It was through a person in the weekly bible
study I run who taught me that I did not always have the answers I though I
had. I was there to teach them, not the
other way around, how wrong I was. I
learnt a humbling lesson that week about listening to what others say, and
recognising that God often speaks through other people, and when he does, we
need to be ready to listen.
Fourthly we need to listen to the criticism, smile and
say thankyou to the person. Take it
ways and think about it, talk it over with someone out side of your church,
preferably someone who is or has been in ministry. We need to sift through what was said and throw out the bones and
keep the meat. Some of what was said
may be correct, and some may not. It is
important to pray about what was said, chew on it for a while, then pick out the
meat. It is important to talk it over
with some outside the church so that you can have an objective opinion about
what was said, we can never be objective about criticism said to us, there will
always be strong emotions surrounding and clouding our mind about what was
said.
No
one likes to told they are wrong. But
remember the story of Jonah, he had to learn a tough lesson about listening to
what God had to say. We need to listen
and discern if what was said is from God, is there something we need to change,
is there another way. It is easy for us
to think that we have all the answers and that our way is the right way, but
sometimes we are wrong, sometimes there are other ways. I have been to over ten different churches
from many different denominations throughout my church life, and have learnt
over the years that there is often more than one way to do things. It can be hard to let go of what we think is
the right way, and explore another way, but sometimes this is exactly what we
must do.
Fifthly, if what was said is wrong and unjustified
criticism, throw it out with the bath water.
I have preached many sermons and have had good comments and some
criticism. Once I preached at a large
church with a congregation of around 150 people, that’s large for this state,
and I had a family walk out during the sermon.
The next day the minister informed me that the family were visiting the
church and had misunderstood what I was saying in my sermon and had left in disgust. You can not please all the people all of the
time. There will always be people who
do not like what you have to say, but I believe that it is more important to
please God rather than the people.
“We are not trying to please men but God, who
tests our heart” 1The 2:4b
It is more important to be right with God at the end of the day, even if it does not sit well with everyone else. We must hang onto to what we believe God has told us to do, but we must check this against the Scriptures to ensure that we are doing or saying what God wants. It is God who will say on that day …
“Well done good and faithful servant!” Math 25:21
God
is our Judge and Father, he is the one with whom we have to please, not
men. If you believe that what you are
doing or saying is from God, and it is verified by Scripture, then hold fast,
stand on the Word of God and do not be afraid for …
There
will also be people in every congregations who think they know better than
everyone else, they know how to do everything better than anyone else in
leadership. There was one parent while
I was running a youth outreach who always made it a point to tell each week
exactly how I should be running the youth ministry. I smiled and listened and said thanks, and then put the
information amongst the cobwebs of my mind, just in case there was something
useful in what she said. But most of
what she said would not work in this particular youth outreach, but I never told her that, just smiled and said
thanks.
Last but not least, as Christians we must expect to
receive criticism from many directions, from within the church and
without. Just look at the ministry of
Jesus, he was criticised from the religious leaders, those out side the
“church” and even from his own family.
We have to expect the same kind of criticism when we follow in his
footsteps…..
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the
painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to
you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may
be overjoyed when the his glory is revealed.” 1 Pet 4:12-13
We
will always get criticism when in ministry, we are the ones out the front,
setting the example, being seen by every member of the congregation. Naturally people will make comments on what
they see, and how they think something should have been done. As leaders in the church, we must also set
the example in how we respond to criticism, and respond we must as against reacting. Smile, say “Thanks very much for your input,
I’ll have a think about what you have said”, and go away, and with prayerful
thought, examine the criticism and see if it is constructive, or destructive
and respond accordingly.
James