When God told me to leave the RAAF and go to full time Bible college, I had all these grand ideas about ministry and what it would be like.  I had all these expectations about the church I would minister in and my ministry, but hose ideals were shot down in flames very quickly as I discovered that ministry was going to be tough and full of heartaches and hurts.  Have you felt like that?  It’s so easy to get to this point and just quite, say “I have had it God, this is not what I signed on for!”  Ever said something like that to God?

 

I  became a youth leader at a newly planted church just down the road from our house, although I started the youth group from scratch and even got some non-church kids involved, the minister would no let me be called a youth leader, let alone a youth worker.  This was the first warning sign that things were going to get weird.  Everything I wanted to do had to go through the minister, that’s not unusual nor is it wrong, what was weird, was that every idea I had, he chucked in the bin.  He told me when to run it, how often to run it, how to run it, and what activities to run, what was I there for?

 

It was then that I was starting to get an understanding that the minister had to be in control.  Sometime later he sacked the associate minister when he refused to let the minister into one of his 12step recovery program sessions, and he preached on Grace to much.

 

One day the minister rang to say that he and one of the elders was coming around in half an hour to discuss some things.  They came around and got stuck into me and I was taken of the youth program.  The reasons given to myself and my wife, were that I was not doing everything the minister had instructed me to do and the way he wanted it done.  I was also told that I was not spiritual enough because I had missed out on two Sunday services over the last two years, I kid you not.

 

After starting Bible college, the minister informed me that I would not be preaching because he thought I was still not spiritual enough.  Funny thing was, I was allowed to help with the communion.  After consultation with staff at college, it was decided that it would be better if we moved churches so I could do the necessary Supervised Field Education in ministry. 

 

We had been told by a umber of people that the minister did not let people leave the church, he always said that it was not God’s will for them to leave.  Well, we though that maybe it was exaggerated a bit, that was until we told him we were leaving.  I was in his office and told him that we were moving and why.  He sated, with out any thought or prayer, that it was clearly not God’s will for us to change churches, but that we must stay where we were, and that I did not understand what God was telling us. 

 

Without going into a lot of detail, but while we were praying and working out what God wanted us to do, I received a word of prophecy at one of the college services, through three people.  Not only that, but five people in the service were specifically given my name in relation to this word, two of whom did not know anything about our situation.  But we did not understand what God was saying to us, only the minister could do that, remember I was not spiritual enough.

 

After much arguing and tears, I left his office and we moved that week.  We were devastated by all that had happened and the way it had happened.  We were later given a book by a friend who had also left the church after the associate pastor had been sacked, it was about Spiritual Abuse in churches.  I read the book, and it could have been written just for the church we had just left, it spoke of exactly what had happened to us and to over 30 other people.

 

We were very disillusioned and were very tempted to leave the church altogether, it would have been very easy to do, but we realised that it was not God who had let us down, but the minister.  We were starting to learn to rely on God, and not expect to much from people.  Unfortunately we went from the frying pan into the boiler.   Simply put, my wife suffered from serious postnatal depression and became suicidal and the minister would not help, he said that he did not do pastoral visits, nor would he ring her up, he did not ring people up, nor could he put us in touch with anyone who could help us. His only suggestion was, and I quote.. “Welcome to life. What do you want me to do about it.” It was not meant to be a question. We ended up going to our GP who referred us to a Christian Psychiatrist.  We left that church as well after that conversation. 

 

But we still clung to God in all of that, it was hard, but I knew that God had given me a gift and that he wanted me in full time ministry and to use that gift.  Eventually God opened the right doors, and now I am in ministry.  Many youth workers do not last much past five years, and I can understand why.  But I know from experience that God is faithful and will lead us in the right direction and that in the bigger picture, that only he can see, he has got a plan for our lives and that when we are faithful and trust in him, that plan will come about.  It may take a while, it may even be a rough road to travel, but if you stick with God, he will get you there.  If you would like to read my full story, click here.

 

I pray that God will give you the courage and strength to carry on in Him, and trust in his power, not yours or others, but his.  He will not let you down, even if it takes a while.

 

James Pullman

 

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